Why Personal Responsibility Is Essential For Developing Resilience
How much does luck influence your life?
In the 1950s, psychologist Julian Rotter developed a questionnaire to assess motivation. In it, he asked participants what had caused their successes and failings.
Had they failed an exam because they didn’t study, or was their teacher to blame? Had their circumstances been determined by fate or karma, or were they steering themselves?
What he discovered was fascinating. People who believed that they were in charge of their own lives consistently did better in exams, had better careers, and were generally more confident and resilient.
Psychologists call this ‘locus of control’, and it’s one of the major predictors of job satisfaction, stress levels, and future success. You might call it taking responsibility.
Resilient people have an internal locus of control. They believe that whether they make the team, win the contract or get the book published is all down to them. It’s what keeps them practicing and improving long after everyone else has gone home.
In this article, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to take responsibility for your life.
What to do. What not to do. (And most important of all) how to empower yourself to live a rewarding, productive and fulfilling life.
Let’s go…
1) STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE
The most important step to taking responsibility for your life is to stop blaming others.
Why?
Because if you’re not taking responsibility for your life, it’s almost certain that you’re blaming other people or situations for your misfortunes.
Whether it’s negative relationships, a bad childhood, socio-economic disadvantages, or other hardships that inevitably come with life, it’s always something other than yourself that’s at fault.
Now don’t get me wrong: Life is unfair. Some people have it worse than others. And in some cases, you are the victim.
But even if that’s true, what does blaming get you?
The victim card?
An illusory advantage of preaching victimhood?
Justification for life’s unsatisfactory conditions?
In reality, blaming only results in bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness.
The people who you target with blame probably don’t care about how you feel, or they have no idea anyway.
The bottom line is this: Those feelings and thoughts may be justified, but it won’t help you become successful or happy.
Letting go of blame doesn’t justify other people’s unfair actions. It doesn’t ignore life’s hardships. But the truth is this: Your life is not about them. It’s about you.
You need to stop blaming so you can reclaim your freedom and power that is yours. No one can take away your ability to take action and make a better life for yourself.
It’s easy and convenient to blame others, but it does nothing to improve your life in the long run. All it does is cost you the authority of being in charge of your own life.
“An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.”
-Steve Goodier
2) STOP MAKING EXCUSES
Making excuses for your choices in life, or excuses about what you feel you have achieved – and what you have not – fuels cognitive bias.
When you make excuses, you don’t give yourself an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.
After all, no failure or mishap is your fault. It’s always something else.
When there’s no personal accountability, there’s no way to grow. You’ll be stuck in the same place complaining and dwelling on negativity without ever moving forward.
When you take responsibility for your life and stop making excuses, you silence the negativity. You realize that what happens outside yourself doesn’t matter.
Like Bill Gates, you need to spend time analyzing your mistakes and learning from them, and you can only do that when you stop making excuses and take responsibility.
When you examine what went wrong, don’t dwell on outside circumstances. Ask yourself what you could do next time to be better.
There’s only one thing that matters, and that’s your actions.
“One day I realized that everything that I get out of life, is exclusively a result of my actions. That is the day I became a man.”
Nav-Vii
3) LOVE YOURSELF
If you’re struggling to take responsibility for yourself and your actions, then I’m willing to bet that you don’t value yourself, either.
Why?
Because people who have self-esteem problems generally don’t take responsibility for their lives.
Instead, other people are blamed, and a victim mentality is created. Self-esteem won’t be boosted until you wise up and take responsibility.
Responsibility empowers you to take action to improve yourself and help others.
And self-esteem goes both ways. If you’re relying on external validation like praise from other people to fuel your self-esteem, then you’re giving away power to others.
Instead, start building stability within. Value yourself and who you are. When you love yourself, there’s no other option but to take responsibility.
After all, it’s your reality, and the only way to make the most of it is to take responsibility for your actions.
4) WHAT DO YOUR DAYS LOOK LIKE?
A crucial way to take responsibility for your life is with your daily habits.
Are you improving your life? Are you growing?
If you don’t look after yourself and your daily you, then it’s likely that you’re not.
Are you taking care of your body, your mind, and your needs?
Here are all the ways that you could be taking responsibility for your mind and body:
- Sleeping properly
- Eating healthy
- Giving yourself time and space to understand your spirituality
- Exercising regularly
- Thanking yourself and those around you
- Playing when you need it
- Avoiding vices and toxic influences
- Reflecting and meditating.
Taking responsibility and loving yourself is more than just a state of mind – it’s about actions and habits that you do every single day. You need to nurture yourself, your body and your mind, if you want to be your best self.
Give yourself time for quiet and contemplation. Resilient people recognize when they’re becoming overwhelmed, and know that they’ll be stronger in the long run if they take good care of themselves.
You have to take responsibility for yourself, from the beginning of your day to the end.
5) ACCEPTING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AS A PART OF LIFE
This is tough for most people to accept. After all, no one wants to experience negative emotions. But if you want to start taking responsibility for yourself, you need to take responsibility for your emotions as well.
And the truth is this: Nobody can be positive all the time. We all have a dark side. Even Buddha said, “suffering is inevitable”.
If you ignore the darker part of life, then it will come back to bite you even harder later on. Taking responsibility means accepting your emotions. It’s about being honest with you are.
Don’t try to bury negative emotions – they’ll only resurface. Instead, remember that the setbacks and hardships are temporary.
Like JK Rowling living on welfare, or Charlie Chaplin being sent to the workhouse, you will live through this and come out stronger on the other side.
According to spiritual master Osho, acceptance is a big part of becoming mature:
“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Never try to be another, and you will become mature. Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost. Risking all to be oneself, that’s what maturity is all about.”
-Osho
6) STOP CHASING HAPPINESS WITH OUTSIDE ATTACHMENTS
This is something that isn’t easy to realize.
After all, we naturally think that happiness means obtaining a shiny new iPhone or getting a higher promotion at work for more money. It’s what society tells us every day! Advertising is everywhere.
But we need to realize that happiness only exists inside ourselves.
Outside attachments give us temporary joy – but when the feeling of
excitement and joy is over, we go back to the cycle of wanting that high again.
An extreme example highlighting the problems with this is a drug addict. They’re happy when they’re taking drugs, but miserable and angry when they’re not. It’s a cycle that no one wants to be lost in.
True happiness can only come from within.
It’s time to take power back and realize that we create happiness and inner peace inside ourselves.
“Don’t let society fool you into believing that if you don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend then you’re destined for a life of misery. The Dalai Lama has been single for the last 80 years and he is one of the happiest people on earth. Stop searching for happiness in places outside of yourself, and start finding it where it has always been: within you.”
Miya Yamanouchi
7) DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU’LL DO
There couldn’t be a better phrase for taking responsibility for your life than doing what you say you’re going to do.
Part of getting your act together and taking responsibility for your life means being trustworthy and living your life with integrity.
I mean, how do you feel when someone says they’ll do something and they fail to do it? In my eyes, they lose instant credibility. Don’t do the same and lose credibility with yourself.
The promises you make to yourself are the most important promises of all. If you promised yourself you’d go to the gym today, go to the gym. If you promised you’d study every day, study every day.
Resilience means pushing past your mental and physical limitations to finish the things you start.
The bottom line is this: You can’t take responsibility if you won’t even do what you say you’ll do.
So, the question is: How can you make sure to follow up with actions on what you say?
Follow these four principles:
- Never agree to or promise anything unless you are 100% sure you can do it. Treat “yes” as a contract.
- Have a schedule: Every time you say “yes” to someone, or even yourself, put it in your calendar with a reminder.
- Don’t make excuses: Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. If you’re forced to break a commitment, don’t make excuses. Own it, and try to make things right in the future.
- Be honest: The truth isn’t always easy to say, but if you’re not rude about it, it will help everyone out in the long run. Be impeccable with your word means you’re honest with yourself and with others. You’ll become that guy or girl that people can rely on.
8) STOP COMPLAINING
Nobody enjoys hanging around a complainer.
And by complaining, you lack the ability to accept the present moment and take action.
Your wasting precious energy on complaining about a situation when you could be taking action.
If you can’t take action, what’s the point in complaining?
Tackle every problem head-on. It’s more productive than complaining and it will make you feel better. Complaining means you’re stuck in a negative mindset. Resilient people deal with their problems directly, and that’s how they move forward and grow.
Taking responsibility is all about taking action for your own life. Complaining is the antithesis of that.
“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.”
Eckhart Tolle
9) FOCUS ON TAKING ACTION
This is probably the most critical part of taking responsibility for your life.
We all have goals and ambitions, but without action, they won’t be achieved. And what good is someone who talks about doing things but never does it?
Without taking action, it’s impossible to take responsibility. Even if it’s small steps, as long as you’re doing the work and moving forward, your life will improve.
It’s easy to spend months or literally years planning what you’re going to do and never actually start.
High achievers and resilient people have clear goals and know exactly what they’re trying to achieve. That way they’re not distracted by the other stuff that life throws at them. They bounce back and keep taking action that brings them a little, or a lot, closer to their goal every day.
They may not know every single detail of how their vision will play out, as it’s impossible for anyone to know that, but they have at least a clear image of what kind of major outcomes they wish to see made real in their life, and an unwavering commitment to see them through.
Remember, taking action starts with your habits. Taking little steps every day results in a big step over an extended period.
“An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied.”
Arnold Glasow
10) HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T BRING YOU DOWN
A huge part of who you become is who you spend most of your time with. Here’s a great quote from Tim Ferriss:
“But you are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimistic, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker.”
-Tim Ferris
It’s your responsibility to choose people that will add to your life. People that encourage you to grow. If you continually hang around toxic people who are always complaining and blaming, you’ll eventually do the same.
Choose to spend time with people who are mature, responsible and want to live a productive life. People who are resilient—like Nelson Mandela—reach out to others who are fighting the same fight, so that they can encourage and support each other.
Not only is hanging out with the right people crucial for your mindset, but it’s also a massive predictor for your happiness as well.
According to a 75-year-long Harvard study, our closest relationships are the number one influence on our overall happiness in life.
IN CONCLUSION
Taking responsibility for your life is crucial if you want to get your act together.
Resilient people focus on what they can do to improve their own situation. They know that successful people make their own luck, and they make the conscious choice to move in the direction of their goals every single day.
Like Gandhi and Malala Yousafazi, they follow through on their promises and keep their word.
Like James Dyson and the Wright Brothers, they concentrate on pursuing their goal instead of complaining about failure.
The good news is, we’re all capable of taking responsibility and living the best life we possibly can. The trick is to stop blaming other people and to focus on what we can control: our actions.
Once you start focusing on your daily habits and doing what you say you’ll do, you’ll be well on your way to living the life you’ve always dreamed of.
If you’re looking for a structured, easy-to-follow framework to help you find your purpose in life and achieve your goals, check out this powerful webinar by my good friend Dr. Steve G. Jones…
Webinar: How To Live Your Best Life Ever
I also recommend using this self-hypnosis audio on a daily basis…
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